When talking to submissives in the lifestyle, invariably I will hear a story of a past D/s relationship where they felt they were not valued. While many of us think valuing another person is basic common sense, it’s apparent that many dominant men skew their own self-assessed value to the point where their partners’ perceived worth is practically non-existent.
Hierarchical roles in no way define value. A Dom’s value is equal to his sub’s value. This is an essential concept for every Dom to grasp. Even if you’re a Master, your slave’s intrinsic value is no less than your own. D/s relationships are consensual. She serves you because she chooses to serve you. She attends to your needs and follows your direction because that is what she wants to do…follow your lead.
She will do things that do not specifically appeal to her simply because that’s what you desire. That’s part of the relationship style. However, you must acknowledge her service and balance it with recognition and rewards. If you take her submission for granted, as if it’s just a perk for you being you, then you are disrespecting her, yourself and the relationship.
By far, the D/s relationship requires a deeper trust and a deeper connection than a vanilla relationship. With this comes a huge responsibility that is almost entirely upon the Dom’s shoulders. She is handing her life to you. She is giving herself entirely to you. In essence, how you value her is how she may value herself. She defines herself through you. I cannot express with more emphasis just how significant this is.
It can be very hard for a submissive to recover from a relationship where her Dom does not give her equal value. The damage done to her self-esteem may scar her for the rest of her life. A quality Dom must constantly assess how he values his sub. If there is an imbalance, it is his responsibility to correct that, not hers. Any man who does not protect this value equilibrium is simply abusive.