Rewarding Her

pamperherI’ve talked about punishment, or correction, but this is only half of the behavior modification process you, as a Dom, should employ. You must also be cognizant of when and how to reward your sub.

Positive reinforcement is, in my experience, much better for training than punishment. One method is designed to encourage a behavior you want your sub to exhibit, the other is employed to create avoidance of an unwanted behavior.

The real question is this: what do I do to reward her? My method is quite simple but immensely effective. I tailor rewards based upon her top two love languages. What are “love languages”? Well, I am referring to the Five Love Languages as described by Gary Chapman. These identify behaviors that are most likely to connect with a your sub. Once she identifies what her top two love languages are (go here to discover), you can then design your rewards around what truly touches her the most.

The Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation: Tell her she is a “good girl” or other other positive verbal statement that is focused on what she has done correctly, meaning not something generic like “you look beautiful” (that is a compliment). For example, if you gave her a chore of cleaning the living area, after you inspect it, tell her she did a great job. Or write a love letter telling her how important and cherished she is (write, not type and email).

Acts of Service
Do something for her. Run her bath, take care of some errands for her, give her a “night off” to do whatever she wants for herself, cook her dinner (and clean the kitchen afterwards), or do a couple of her least favorite chores so she has some extra free time.

Receiving Gifts
Buy her a book, a new article of clothing, a pretty piece of jewelry, a gift certificate at her favorite day spa. It doesn’t need to be expensive, it just needs to be personal and lets her know you pay attention to her needs.

Quality time
Let her pick out a movie she likes and watch it with her, take her on a date out to dinner or go watch a band, go for a walk, plan a day trip with your phones turned off, anything that gives you one on one time with you focusing on her.

Physical Touch
Give her a foot massage, a back rub, wash her hair, snuggle on the couch, hold hands as you window shop in town, anything that lets you connect physically without it becoming a sexual service to you.

Find ways to combine activities to accommodate both love languages. For example, if she loves quality time and touch, be sure to snuggle with her on the couch as you watch her favorite movie. Or take her to dinner and surprise her with a pair of earrings you noticed her admiring last month.

Rewards Require Effort

Your sub puts a lot of thought and effort into serving you. You have an obligation to pay attention to subtle things she likes and admires. Does she like a certain music style or musician? Find out when the music she likes is being performed nearby, or her favorite singer is coming to town. Get tickets. Make reservations. Buy gifts in advance. You must also be working to reward her and she must feel you have put effort into it. If your rewards are shit, it will discourage her and have the opposite effect upon her morale as your sub.

Being a quality Dom requires commitment, focus, attention to detail and above all, the ability to react to the needs of your sub with the same skill as you expect from her.



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