The sociopolitical atmosphere today is complex: the promotion of new gender identities is trendy, while “cis” is a term often used disparagingly toward those whose gender identity matches their biological sex. Even though the Dom/sub lifestyle roles are not necessarily exclusive to cis-genders, they are still closely associated with them by many.
The dominant lifestyle is further marked by the abundance of people who openly identify as “dominant” but are really nothing more than assholes. Dominance isn’t about ordering a woman around or making sexual demands. A slave may be considered property, but she is also more valuable than any inanimate object. She is worth more than your car, your home, your entire material wealth. Any man who feels otherwise is not ready to own her.
What sets a Master or Dom apart from the asshole is this: confidence and that alone. The asshole may be confident, but mixes it with pride and ego and ends up with arrogance. Here are some of the qualities of pure confidence that will help you quickly identify a Dominant man vs. a man who merely wants you to consider him dominant:
In control of his temper. We all get frustrated. We all get disappointed. The confident man knows how to positively channel that energy into change. Getting angry or physically and emotionally abusive is a very clear indicator of immaturity. If a man has an angry outburst toward you, that is a serious red flag.
Responsible for the direction of his life. The confident man may be victimized, but is never a victim. He defines his life by his own terms and adapts to adversity. He stands by his convictions but is flexible enough to make course corrections. What he considers to be success may not be the same as another confident man and he does not feel compelled to be anyone but who he wants to be.
Treats others with respect. If you go out to dinner with a confident man, he will treat the wait staff with respect. He will not criticize others without full understanding of the situation. He is classy. He is a gentleman. He expects nothing more from people than they are willing and capable of giving. His requirements of others are reasonable and if someone falls short in their commitment, his response will not be reactionary.
He is reserved. The confident man rarely desires to be flamboyant. He does not need your recognition or approval of his actions for validation. He will do what needs to be done and then move on. He will not be prone to argue with you. He does not need you to agree with him or to persuade you in any way. He is more likely to listen to someone’s views than he is to broadcast his own. This may seem like the behavior of someone who isn’t confident in their position, but on the contrary, he is perfectly happy with his views and will share them only when relevant.
Makes decisions when called upon to do so. The confident man chooses a course of action when it is required. He will not arbitrarily make decisions for others just to exhibit “control”. He is thoughtful, and insures he knows what he needs to know before making the call. He is comfortable with the inherent responsibility of his decisions.
Protective but not possessive. Jealously and possessiveness are hallmarks of insecurity. The confident man has clear and regular communication with those he cares about. He doesn’t wonder how she feels because he knows. He has no reservations about expressing his love or talking about conflicts. He is open and transparent in his relationships. He knows he doesn’t need to be “mysterious” to hold her attention. He may have her on a leash, but it’s because that makes her hot, not because he’s afraid she will run off.
He is smooth and moves with purpose. The confident man knows he can make things happen, the asshole uses force and fear like an unskilled carpenter uses a ripsaw. Being around a confident man is contagious. He exudes an air of calm and comfort that puts others at ease.