Punishing her

punishEvery submissive needs training. Even if she is an experienced sub, there will certainly be new behaviors and tasks that you will require of her. Everyone who is being trained will sometimes need correction. In the D/s relationship, this firm correction is called punishment.

The term carries a lot of negative connotations with it. As a child, when you do something bad, you get punished. As an adult, when you are convicted of a crime, you get punished. Punishment for your sub doesn’t mean she has done something bad, it just means she has done something incorrectly (unless she is bratty, then “punishment” isn’t really a correction, but a desired reward). Before you ever take any action to modify her behavior, there are some ground rules:

The submissive must know what the correct behavior is before she should be punished for not adhering to it. You must never punish her if she could not possibly be aware that her actions were incorrect. If she does something you do not like, but have not discussed with her, explain what the correct behavior is and make it clear that future infractions will come with correction.

As a Dom, she is entrusting you with molding her to better please you. However, nothing is more discouraging than the stress of wondering if any action she takes might arbitrarily bring a punishment upon her. She craves to please you. If you are not happy with her, she is not happy with herself. Just as it is her role to please you, it is your role to always provide clarity in how she is to do so.

The submissive must know the types of punishments she can expect to receive. You don’t have to always have preassigned punishments for each type of infraction. You don’t even have to administer the same punishment each time for the same infraction. However, she must know what the types of punishments she would possibly receive are and she must agree to those. Remember, punishment is a corrective action, not an abusive one. If she is terrified of being caned, do not make that a punishment. She should not fear your retribution for being disobedient. The primary impact is that she knows you are disappointed with her. We’ve all heard the parent who would sometimes have to spank his child say, “This is going to hurt me, more than it hurts you.”

If you are searching for fitting punishments, here are some ideas:

  • Make her write a two paragraphs that detail what she did wrong, what she should have done instead, a sincere apology and begging for forgiveness.  Once she has finished that, she brings it to you and you spank or flog her (over the knee or bent over the table) while she is forced to read it aloud to you. If she makes a mistake or cries out during the reading, she must start over.
  • Find a corner and make her stand naked it it for a period of time and order her to reflect on her actions. Once the time is up, call her to you and have her apologize and tell you what she will do instead the next time.
  • Have her lay upon the table or some other similar furniture that allows her to have the soles of her feet exposed. Take a crop or cane and administer an appropriate amount of swats with an appropriate amount of force.
  • Leash her by her collar to a leg of the dinner table. If the infraction is sufficient, give her a pet dish and make her sit on the floor, leashed, and eat her meal while you sit at the table and read the news. Alternatively, you can place an empty plate on the floor and toss her scraps from your plate.

Keep in mind these guidelines for developing punishments:

  1. The correction should not be something you want her to associate with pleasing you. Don’t punish her by making her suck your cock. The action you take must be associated with your displeasure.
  2. If you BDSM scene with her, the correction should be sufficiently different from typical activities in the scene. So if you spank her as punishment, make sure it is done in a different manner. If you punish her with over the knee spanking, refrain from OTK in scene.
  3. If you use humiliation to punish her, make it very clear when the humiliation has ended. It’s easy to see the line between being physically punished and that punishment ending. There should be a specific cue for her to know the humiliation is starting and ending, such as attaching the leash.
  4. Do not laugh or make light of the punishment and its application. You are disappointed. If she doesn’t feel this is the case, the punishment will not be effective as a behavioral modification.
  5. Once the punishment is complete, let the infraction go and show a restoration of normalcy. Go back to how things would be at any other time. Punishment is a resolution. Further dwelling on it sends the message that the punishment isn’t really over. Do not impose this additional stress upon her.

Always remember, she desires to please you. She also accepts correction willingly. Do not ever punish her if you are angry. Punishment is a tool that is only effective if used correctly and consistently.

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