Providing Structure for her

structOne of the most important duties of a Dom is to provide structure for his submissive through control. At its core, this is what the D/s lifestyle is about. Not every submissive is a masochist that desires to receive pain. Not every submissive is a rope bunny or desires to be bound by various means. What every submissive does want is some degree of control. The very act of submission is to relinquish power to another.

So how do you give her the control she needs in order to satisfy her submission? The details will likely be worked out over time and through a bit of experimentation. Very few submissives want a total power exchange, and out of those that do, fewer still have the opportunity to fully commit to handing over all decisions to someone else. In today’s society of two career households, both the Dom and the sub are most likely going to be working outside of the home. But there are many ways you can provide the structure she craves in the relationship without the extreme of a total power exchange. Here are some ideas:

Take her clothes shopping a la Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. You don’t have to be a millionaire to take her to the store and buy something for her. It can be anything from lingerie to a dress. Have her pick out several things she thinks will please you and have her try them on. Sit back, look her over. Make her spin around.  Say no to some things. Pick out only what you want to see her in.

Set a “house attire”. This is a type of outfit she is supposed to wear while at home. For example, my sub must wear a sheer top, no bra or panties, and sandals. She has a selection of several approved tops to choose from.

Give her a set of specific chores. Do not make her responsible for everything around the house unless being a homemaker is her only career. I wash the dishes and put them away and she will typically prepare and serve the meals. Make sure the tasks she is responsible for are more personal as a service to you specifically. Washing and folding your clothes is a good task, but sweeping the floor is more of a common task that may be less satisfying for her.

Send her a text during the day and tell her you expect her to be in the bedroom, kneeling on a pillow, wearing specific clothing at a specific time. It can be after you both have been home. It may be after dinner. It will be her task to remember what to do and at what time. She will think about it all day and her juices will be flowing with anticipation. Arrive in the room a few minutes after the appointed time and enjoy her how you wish. Use her. She is there waiting for this very thing. Her pleasure comes from giving you pleasure.

Have her address you a specific way. Commonly this is “Sir” or “Master”. This should be done in text as well as verbally. Correct her when she forgets. Do not be harsh, especially during initial training. But correct her none-the-less. Correcting her shows that you are monitoring her efforts.

You can set any number of other rules for her. I like to have her order for me at a restaurant. She picks out what she thinks I will enjoy or perhaps a compromise between what I would most want and what is a bit healthier. She likes to look after me that way.

The most important thing to remember is this: be consistent. When you give her rules, make sure you stick to them and correct her if she becomes lax. If you do not, then it means you don’t care and that is very disappointing to her. The second most important thing is to give her recognition. Once she is properly trained and almost never needs correcting, it’s still important that she sees you are still aware of her efforts to serve you. Do not go a day without handing out some compliments. Don’t be lavish. Be simple but clear. The compliments should be about things she has done. You can tell her she looks beautiful, but noticing how nicely folded your clothes are will really make her glow.

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