Degradation is a type of emotional sadism. Instead of causing her pain with a paddle or a crop, you hurt her with your words. Just like physical sadism it requires forethought and aftercare.
Why would a woman want a man to be verbally abusive? There could be a different motive for every single woman. She may have a high-power job, such as a manager or an attorney, where she wields influence over others. The contrast in being called a worthless slut and treated like an object can be a thrill. She may have a very emotionally draining job, such as working in an ER, one that requires she keep her emotions locked-up and under control so she can stay on top of everything. Being told she has no value beyond being holes for me to use can be the catalyst for emotional release.
In our hyper-sensitive society dominated by political-correctness, you might be hard-pressed to believe that any woman would tolerate being degraded by a man, much less desire it. I’m not a social scientist, but my experience has been there is significant number of women out there who actively crave it. Perhaps she is used to men showering her with praise and it just rings hollow. Perhaps it’s just fun for her. Sometimes I can see why it works for her, other times all I will know is that she will want more after we finish a scene.
The type of degradation I use will also vary depending on the woman’s needs. It’s no different than physical sadism in that some things will work better than others. I will typically start out simple, testing her reaction to being called a few degrading names. If she seems to get turned on by being called a whore, cunt, cum-slut, etc., I will progress to more sensitive areas: worthless, stupid, desperate, pathetic. I will tell her that I don’t respect her. I may spit in her face. I will let her know that I don’t care how she feels as long as she spreads her legs and gives me something to get off in.
The object of emotional sadism is, ultimately, to cause her to cry. It is not because I am mean and hate her. I want to take her to a place she doesn’t go in her regular life. I want to give her an experience that allows her a depth of emotional expression that she may not be able to reach on her own.
Just like using the flogger, there is definitely a skill to degradation. It must be convincing. If she laughs at what you say, she is only being amused by your efforts. If your words do not cut her, she will be as satisfied as if she got a light hand spanking. You cannot degrade her out of anger. It must come from a place of confidence and cruelty.
What separates this from abuse? Intent and aftercare. Ultimately this is a consensual exchange. It hurts, but she can safe word if it goes in a direction she doesn’t want. And just like in physical sadism, you have to bring her back from the space you take her to. Hold her. Caress her. kiss her face gently and lovingly. Tell her that the things you said are not true. She is strong. She has value. With emotional sadism, words of assurance are the cool drops of water on her lips.
I think physical sadism is much more practiced than emotional sadism. We are accustomed to our body being able to heal, but the lashes dealt by words can often take much longer to recover. Degradation definitely has its place and it can be just as liberating and empowering as the whip.