The D/s Contract

contractA D/s contract is one of the two formalities I encourage everyone choosing this relationship style to embrace. The other is the collar. As a symbol, it’s secondary to the collar, but as a cornerstone to a solid foundation, it is certainly the first important thing you will develop together.

The contract clearly defines the responsibilities and expectations of both the Dom and the sub. It clearly outlines the role of each by stating what each will do. For example:

  • The Dominant will never purposefully neglect the submissive.
  • The Dominant will never punish the submissive when he is angry.
  • The Dominant will never lie to or keep secrets from the submissive.
  • The submissive will place full trust in her Dom and know that he will not abuse her.
  • The submissive will obey the directives of her Dom without question.
  • The submissive will attend to every sexual desire of her Dom at any time or place that he requires.

Typically, aside from defining the roles of each person, there will be sections detailing the types of punishments the Dom may exact and the limits the sub requires. Also, in relationships that are polyamorous, there might be a section on how the D/s couple integrates others into their lives without disrupting their established structure.

This is not a legal document, but it is a reverent one. It should have a set termination time such as one year. This means the couple must “renew” and possibly even alter the terms of the contract regularly. New D/s couples could start at six months, but after they have become comfortable in their roles, change it to one year.

The contract is something you create with her, not for her. It is not a document to impose upon her, but rather empower her. It can be something that settles disputes and holds you together.

The contract is also a written declaration of your love for each other. It can describe your goals and dreams for what you want to be to one another. It can contain promises to each other that you will both work on during the life of the contract which can be evaluated at each renewal.  For example:

  • I, the Dom, promise to improve my physical health, eat properly and exercise regularly.
  • I, the sub, promise to improve my patience with others and not be quick to anger over trivial matters.

The contract can be physical, printed on lovely parchment and stored in a safe place, or it can be digital and stored in the cloud. It can be signed virtually, with a pen, or for those with an especially medieval flair, with a drop of blood from a pin prick. Every D/s contract should be unique. I do not recommend going to a website and filling out a form or downloading a PDF to customize slightly. Start from scratch. It’s acceptable to look at contracts others have made in order to find inspiration, but ultimately, it should be an original piece of artwork, lovingly created by the two of you.

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