Being Dominant or submissive is an expression of who we are. It’s not a role we play on weekends for a little variety. It is our sexual nature. Being a Dominant permeates your entire life. At work, I deal with computers and those that have to use them. I approach every situation with confidence. When a person is stressed or feels overwhelmed with a technology issue, I bring them assurance, stability and comfort in knowing that I have the problem under control and will resolve it. Being Dominant isn’t a sexual only disposition. It is how I interact with the world.
The submissive desires to please. She typically seeks out employment where she is able to heal and nurture or provide valued service. Making others happy by doing for them is her sole focus. The submissive’s identity is her ability to satisfy and provide comfort. I know that many women also choose a submissive home life do so because they are dominant in their career, have many responsibilities, or just have to make important decisions all day. Some enjoy the balance they find. This by far, in my experience, accounts for the majority of women seeking a Dom. Both the part-time submissive and the full-time by nature submissive share the desire to be controlled.
My perspective is that both of these roles are virtually identical at the core. The Dom takes care of his submissive just as he takes care of all the details in his life. The difference is just point of view, or our mindset. I like to feel like I am helping others by taking control, providing a solution. She likes to help others by feeling she has performed a service that will please.
This is what makes the D/s relationship so strong. In essence, both the Dom and his sub are focused upon the comfort and happiness of the other. The Dom can provide strict rules and discipline because he knows that his sub desires it. It is not the act of obedience that drives her, but rather the knowledge that her Dom recognizes it and is pleased by her. It is through his pleasure with her that she receives her own joy.
To the outside world, the D/s relationship is often seen as unbalanced. They see it as a self-centered man taking advantage of a woman. They see it as a woman with low self-esteem accepting attention where she can get it. This couldn’t be further from reality.
D/s is a symbiotic relationship where the focus of both the Dom and the sub is the happiness of the other. They are two sides of the same coin. There is no struggle for position. Their roles are clearly defined and like two pieces of a puzzle, they just go together.
In life, all things have a purpose. All things have a well defined role based on fulfilling a need. In human society, we are trying very hard to push aside defined roles in the quest for “equality”. It is my perspective that, we can have distinctly different roles and still be equal. I see my submissive as my treasure. She is a possession that I love and cherish. I protect her. These things I do because they are what she wants. In like manner, she serves me and honors me because she knows it makes me happy. Just as with yin and yang, we are swirling together, both giving and receiving in our own way.